Rejected As A Baby

This is about Ellie and her moment of birth.
Ellie was an incredibly lovely lady in her late fifties with a huge heart and no family of her own. She was the one who would give her last just to help anyone in need. Behind her genuine smile, she hid loads of pain and self-denial.

Her life was very hard, she struggled all her life financially, she struggled with her relationships, and her broader family used her. She felt drained and empty.


The excess weight started to accumulate, and she became a classic diet-hopper, trying this then trying that but never being really consistent.


As she took all sorts of healing courses, she was very much aware of her negative feelings for herself and worked on that but some deep shame and self-rejection she just couldn’t let go. She recognized the pattern in her relationships, in her people-pleasing attitude and her inability to say no.


Her shocking revelation came during a hypnotic trance, where she suddenly experienced the moments right after her birth.


She felt her mother cry uncontrollably. Her mother cried because the baby was a girl. Ellie, as a newborn felt that her mother refused her. Later, when her father came to see them, Ellie felt her mother’s concern and burning shame, and that was the most painful feeling for her.


She realized that from that point, she started to feel ashamed of herself, as a woman and as a being. It was so deep and unconscious that she had no idea that the feeling actually came from her mother.


When she examined the situation, she understood that her mother was trying to please the father, assuming that he wanted a boy. She was also desperate because she had the firm belief that the life of a woman is pain and struggle, and she felt sorry for the little girl. According to her life experience, Ellie would have the same painful fate she had, where she had to sacrifice herself, her needs and endure pain and humiliation.


Unknowingly she imprinted the baby with her shame, self-rejection, and fears.
So food was the only way Ellie could nurture and love herself.

 

When Ellie finally became aware of the whole picture, she step-by-step let go of all the ideas and feelings that were not hers. She connected to her deceased mother on a deeper level of understanding and forgiveness. She could finally allow herself to grieve over not just the loss of her mother and the unspoken words between them, but also the rejected little child she still carried in her heart.

 

The “big black hole” was no longer there to make her eat obsessively. She said, “I have never felt so light in my life, and it has nothing to do with my weight.”

 

She also did the impossible (or at least she used to think that was impossible), she kicked out her ex-husband who used to live in her house on her expense and kept the dog.