Creating a Loving Relationship

A short inspiring story.

A tall woman in her fifties came to me the other day. She was very intellectual, smart, and controlled. She said she was a disaster when it came to men.

It seemed that she was rejected even before she could properly get to know them.

“Let’s just stay friends,” was the phrase that she kept hearing all the time.

“What’s wrong with me?” she asked, “Men just seem to run scared when they see me.”

In hypnosis, she connected to her feelings, and she suddenly realized, “I hate the woman in me.”

“She’s vulnerable! She’s stupid, needy, and emotional. She’s flawed and weak. I just can’t stand her. And whenever there is a guy around, she wakes up and takes over control and scares them off with her childish neediness. She makes me feel ashamed and ridiculous. I wish I could get rid of her.”

Then she realized that her dream was actually a loving relationship and a family, which would not be possible without that woman in her.

“That’s tough,” she said, “I’m in a trap. I can’t live with that woman in me, but I don’t want to give up my dream of a family either. So what do I do?”

Then, she came up with a brilliant idea; she would change the woman in her.
She created in her mind a smart, calm, and strong woman.

She was delighted with her work, and it seemed everything was perfect.

As she started to imagine herself dating men, she suddenly gasped.

“Men still reject me. But now I know why. I created a woman who is basically a man. There’s nothing feminine left in her. I created her like that because I was afraid of being feminine. I tried to eliminate that aspect of myself because I felt I couldn’t control her.
I will never be able to connect with a man unless I connect with the woman in me.
I never realized that by rejecting the woman, I dismissed my future partners and my future family.”

It took her some time to understand the roots of her fears to be a woman and the limiting ideas that she had about her feminine traits.

When I asked what helped her the most, she said, “Building up a loving relationship with myself first. It was never about the relationship with men, it was always about the relationship with myself.”